Running a business and being a mother has always been a tricky balancing act for women, with many admitting to feeling inadequate and experiencing the resulting guilt of ‘not being there’ for their children and partner. And when taking on the role of ‘super mom’, it’s also difficult to reach out and ask for help. With Mother’s Day coming up this Sunday, 9 May, we chat to a few mompreneurs who share their advice for navigating this balancing act.
You don’t have to do it all alone
.
For Gcina Mahlaba (40), a Johannesburg based business owner and mother of three children aged 10, 6 and 4 years, it was a case of hitting an all-time low last year. She lost 20kg and was relying on medication to get going in the morning. This made her re-evaluate just how much pressure she was putting on herself and where to draw that line in the sand.
Mahlaba runs a successful BEE consulting company and is a self-confessed ‘A type’ personality where everything has to be done perfectly, all the time. “I am very results driven and I try to do literally everything right. I think as women, we tend to put so much pressure on ourselves, and at one point I was living on stimulants to get up and depressants to sleep, but I’ve changed all that now,” she says.
With her office based at home, it all started to pile up during the lockdown period with her children and husband at home. “And then when restrictions were lifted, I had a flood of clients who wanted an audit, and I would work through the night. I don’t know how I survived that time. I lost 20kg, I felt depressed and I wasn’t eating properly,” she says, with her husband’s retrenchment in December adding additional pressure on her as the main income provider.
“I started seeing a psychologist which has really helped, and I’ve had to change quite a few things in my life. I’ve stopped the medication and have improved my diet. I’ve also got a helper coming in every day. If you can get help, take it – whether it’s a helper or family members or friends.
“As women, we are always thinking we must do it all, and we question whether people are thinking if we are good mothers. My husband is supportive and amazing, but a mother’s challenges are quite different to a father. “I’m a happier person and I think it’s important to remember that we cannot do it all, all the time – but we can do it,” says Mahlaba.
Healthy lifestyle, healthy mind
Highlighting that a healthy lifestyle can make a difference in finding that balance in life, owner of Fitness Junction and mother of two, Hajira Mashego (47), enjoys spending time doing outdoor activities with her son, 17 years and daughter, 8 years.
Mashego opened her gym in 2018, which includes gym services and products, as well as an online store which she started during lockdown and so also has a hectic schedule. “My mother stays with me and without her I’d be struggling. I think as women, we have that emotional guilt. At the end of the day you are tired, but you feel ‘are you giving enough attention to your children, are you doing enough?” she comments.
Living a healthy lifestyle, Mashego gets up every morning and completes an hour of training from, running on the spot, doing resistance exercises and skipping. When it comes to pressure, she says, “I break huge tasks into do-able chunks so that they don’t overwhelm me. I also exercise more and sleep more when I am under tremendous pressure. This helps me to keep calm and think straight,” she said.
Her favourite time of the day is when her children get home from school, saying, “I enjoy catching up on all the stories” and when she has a heavy workload, “I have to wait for the children to sleep and then continue working. I do also enjoy going out with the children on the weekend and doing outdoor activities together rather than sitting at home, I feel I get to know them better.”
“I think the most important lesson I can teach my children is perseverance. My son who is 17 has seen how I’ve had to persevere through tough times, waking up and going out there to fight again. I hope my daughter will learn this as well. You need to be able to fall and stand up again, that is resilience. Don’t give up,” said Mashego.
Relying on your support structure
For most mothers at work, having family or friends to step in and provide the support structure for their children is crucial. Mother and owner of Sakhikhono Training and Development, Lumka Sibanyoni (50), whose casket manufacturing business is based in Durban, said her network of family and close friends are always on hand to help with her 10 year old daughter, Sibane (meaning light, she shows the way).
In 2017, Sibanyoni took a bold step, leaving her “a cushy government job” to start up her own company. “One of the main reasons for me to be self-employed was so that I could spend more time with my daughter. One of my sisters lives near me and she steps in all the time, and my mom has always come up from the Eastern Cape to look after Sibane if I have to travel. I also have a nephew who stayed with me for a while and he was great with helping to look after Sibane. They would watch movies or listen to music together. I also have a network of three moms who live in the same suburb and they too will always help,” she said.
Coming from the Eastern Cape, Sibanyoni based her business in Kwa-Zulu Natal in order that her daughter could also attend one of the top Christian schools in the region.
As one of the very few female casket makers in the country and training artisans in carpentry and upholstery skills, Sibanyoni has had to face opposition and sometimes, straightforward hostility in the male dominated industry.
“I’m a strong Xhosa woman and nothing beats me. I think the most important lesson I can teach my daughter is resilience. I was recently divorced, but had been separated for six years and my daughter already showed great resilience during this time. I don’t want to bring up a princess and to cushion her against the realities of life.
“We go out a lot as a family with my mom and sisters, but we also have our own time together and my favourite is ‘vegging’ out at home just kicking a ball or swimming in the pool. We do a lot together, just the two of us,” said Sibanyoni.
And for lawyer, Sindisiwe Hlatshwayo (28) who has two daughters Elizabeth, 2 years and seven week old Grace, it was with her mother-in-law’s help that she was able to return to work seven weeks after giving birth.
She is the Founder of Shalaw Legal Solutions based in Umkomaas, Kwa-Zulu Natal and her office is just down the road from her home. “I’m close to home, but I’ve got very good help as Grace stays with my mom-in-law, while Elizabeth goes to nursery school. I never have to worry as they are both so well taken care of and when my husband gets home, he’s also fine about taking over.
“Having this strong support structure in place makes such a big difference, and in the evenings when I get home, it’s time for our special moments together and it’s lovely. I love being with my family, they are everything to me and I am working hard so that one day I can have something to offer them which I hope will be much more than I ever had,” she said.
Hlatshwayo, who has strong faith, says she handles pressure in her working life by “praying, regrouping and then doing what is within my capability first, before moving to the more difficult aspects.” She added that she would like to see her girls grow up and “look to God in every respect, appreciate what you have and knowing if you do good, you will get good. I want them to grow up as respectful and pleasant girls who turn out to be phenomenal women,” she says.
For other mothers who are at work, whether running their one business or working for a company, Hlatshwayo said that no one approach fits all. “I came back to the office after seven weeks because it was a possible solution for me. Find what you are comfortable with and make it work for your family,” she said, adding that communication is key in finding that balance between work and home.
“If you are trying to meet a deadline, let your family know what is happening. It’s about finding that balance and not neglecting either home or work, while also giving your family as much time as you possibly can,” she said.